Widow Brain and 8 Steps to Healing After Loss

In this article we’ll dive into the concept of “widow brain” and provide 8 steps that have provided peace for those affected by loss.

Here are the steps, if you want to jump right to them:

1. Get Plenty of Rest
2. Accept Your Feelings
3. Talk to Friends and Family
4. Consider Counseling
5. Find a Support Group
6. Take Care of Yourself
7. Embrace Your Emotions
8. Set Yourself a Schedule

Grief has many forms. It can be complicated, delayed, cumulative, or chronic. Losing a spouse, particularly if you have spent most of your life together, can be devastating. Widowhood is full of pain and heartache, and if you have recently lost your spouse, you may be noticing other unusual symptoms that are part of this unique form of grief. This is known as widow brain. 

What is Widow Brain? 

Widow Brain is a term used to define a common condition that affects people after their spouse has passed away. Its various symptoms can last from anywhere between 6 to 18 months. The signs and symptoms include:

Emotional Aspects:

It’s only natural to go through a difficult time following the death of a loved one once the initial shock has worn off and reality sets in. Your body and mind both have coping mechanisms to help you deal with your loss. Though this varies slightly from person to person, typically you can expect one or more of the following emotional symptoms:

• Feeling extra sensitive
• Outbursts of crying
• Depression
• Insomnia

Neurological aspects:

Widow’s brain differs from other forms of grief in that it has specific neurological symptoms that may not only affect your daily life but can also be quite debilitating. Neurological symptoms of Widow Brain may include:

• Brain fog
• Problems with short-term memory
• Difficulty remembering everyday things
• Poor concentration
• Cognitive decline

Physical aspects:

The emotional and mental aspects of Widow Brain can be terribly draining. Because you’re using up so much energy to cope with your emotions and your neurological symptoms, you may have difficulty functioning at the same physical level as you are accustomed to. Physical symptoms of widow’s brain may include:

• Severe fatigue
• Loss of appetite
• Difficulty performing daily activities such as bathing
• Loss of interest in normal daily pleasures

How Long Does Widow Brain Last?

One of the most commonly asked questions about Widow Brain is how long does it last? Because Widow Brain affects everyone differently and some people take longer to complete their grief cycle than others, this is not an easy question to answer. However, typically, most people being to see the light at the end of the tunnel within 2-3 months. 

Many people say they regained their full mental and physical capacity within 6 months, though for some people, the effects of Widow Brain can last longer. Even if you feel you have moved on from most of the symptoms, is worth bearing in mind that incidents may happen which can trigger Widow Brain, such as the holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. 

How to Cope With Widow Brain

You have suffered an incredible loss and you’re going through a lot of pain. Your mind and body are working overtime to deal with your grief and process this new situation. There are steps you can take to help you manage your symptoms of Widow Brain. These include:

1. Get plenty of rest

Take as much time out to rest as you can. Sometimes it can be hard to relax when you’re grieving because you feel that you have so much to do, and you may feel guilty about resting. However, you need to try and recoup your energy levels and you will only do that by taking some time out. Even if you are having difficulty sleeping, resting can still help to boost your energy levels even if it’s only for 10-15 minutes each day. Make some time for yourself to:

• Listen to some relaxing music.
• Lay on the sofa with a good book or movie.
• Take a soak in a bubble bath.
• Book yourself some spa time.
• Listen to a meditation app or CD.

2. Accept your feelings

With so much going on in your life, fighting the symptoms of Widow Brain is only going to sap your energy more. It’s time to accept the way you feel and the symptoms you are experiencing, cope with them as best you can, and keep reminding yourself that they will soon pass. Forgetfulness and irritability are part of your new grieving process. There is no quick fix for this situation, but each day you get through means one less day of uncomfortable symptoms.

3. Talk to friends and family

This is not a good time to isolate yourself. It will help you to talk about what you’re going through, particularly with family members who are also grieving because they know what you’re going through. Sharing special memories and stories can help you remember your deceased loved one in a positive way, enabling you to celebrate their life. Spending time with close friends can also be healing, even if you sit in silence, it’s good to know that someone is there for you. 

4. Consider counseling

Although professional counseling is not for everyone, in some cases, it can be very helpful, particularly if you don’t live close to family members. Grief counseling is designed to help you work through the different stages of grieving, these being:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Many people find that this type of therapy helps them process their grief quicker. It may also help you work through your symptoms of Widow Brain.

5. Find a support group

There are many ways to grieve and come to accept your loss. Sometimes, when you are dealing with a great loss, it helps to talk to others who have also lost a spouse. Many people find a support group helpful until they are ready to manage their grief by themselves, particularly if they are coping with depression or feeling generally overwhelmed. Although family members and close friends can be very supportive, meeting with people who you feel you can talk to directly about your loss can help the healing process. 

6. Take care of yourself

When you’re so wrapped up in grieving, it can be hard to remember to take care of yourself. So it’s important to take extra time to take care of your wellbeing. Eat nourishing meals when you can. Be as physically active as you can. Many people find that physical exercise can help ease the stress of grieving and help with sleep. Don’t feel guilty about treating yourself to something nice like a facial or a manicure.

7. Embrace your emotions

If you’re feeling extra sensitive and you find yourself tearful from time to time, embrace all of your emotions and let them flow. Locking them up inside will only make it more difficult when the dam finally breaks. Roll with your feelings like the waves in the ocean, letting them wash over you and then ebb away. 

8. Set yourself a schedule

Setting a daily schedule will help you remember things you need to do and will give you small goals to accomplish each day. It will also help you to establish and  maintain a regular sleep schedule. However, be careful not to use sleep as a means of avoiding your grief. Keep your day structured by grooming and dressing as you would normally. Eat small meals regularly throughout the day. Try to eat something even if you have little appetite. This will help you keep up your energy. 

Resources for Grieving Spouses

You may find the following resources helpful during your grieving process:

Soaring Spirits

Soaring Spirits is a non-denominational organization that aims to help people heal as they are grieving. Members of the community have access to online and in-person opportunities to help you begin your new life journey. Soaring Spirits offers several grief programs including an online pen pal group and forum. You can join for free. 

National Widowers Organization

The National Widowers Organization aims to help men deal with the loss of their life partner. They offer specialized support groups for men, to help them adjust to life without their loved ones. You can find local meetups with fellow widowers and all resources are free. 

The Sisterhood of Widows

The Sisterhood of Widows is a support group for women who have recently lost their life partners. The goal of the organization is to help women move through the grieving process and begin a new life without their loved ones.  The Sisterhood has a number of social media groups dedicated to widows and all their memberships and resources are free.

Widows Connection

Widows Connection is a support group that aims to help women deal with the unique challenge that women face as widows. The organization offers several in-person programs designed by widows, such as “Embracing Change and Transformation.” There is also a series of wellness webinars and workshops. You can attend a trail meeting before deicing if you wish to pay the $40 membership fee.

Open to Hope

As well as conferences, podcasts, and a TV channel Open to Hope offers a wealth of online books and articles all aimed at helping women grieve the loss of their loved ones. They aim to help widows find hope after loss and all their resources are free. 

Conclusion

The journey through widowhood is already fraught with pain and heartache and when your mind isn’t functioning properly, this can make it even more painful and frustrating. When you can’t find your keys, you’ve forgotten to buy something on your grocery list, or you suddenly can’t remember what day it is, take a deep breath. This is not permanent, you’re just coping with widow brain. Remind yourself that it will pass, you are resilient enough to cope with the pain of your grief, and you will come out the other side even stronger. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions about Widow Brain

Is Widow Brain a Real Thing?

Absolutely. While it may not be a scientific disorder, the fogginess that can occur after losing a spouse is widely occurring. For many people it can last up to a year, but for some it can go on for much longer.

What Happens to Your Brain When Your Spouse Dies?

Grieving the loss of someone close can cause a flood of hormones and neuro-chemicals to rush through your brain. This disruption in hormones can result in poor sleep, a change in appetite, fatigue, and even anxiety.

How Long Can Widow Brain Last?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question, but many see it lasting anywhere from 2 months to over a year. For the most part, people say that there is no single day where everything gets better. It is a gradual improvement over time. As the saying goes, when it comes to the loss of a loved one, you will get through it, but you may never get over it.